James

age six James means Bond cars guns but I am
silver Spice Girls Heelies pink nails I say

my name already knowing it’s a punch
line I’m sixteen my father is boiling

a kettle by closed window when I tell
him I am gay he turns his back to me

as if I am the past I’m twenty six
in the living room drunk on New Year’s Dad

queries if I’m dating someone my heart
full hot kettle I grill if he recalls

turning his back on me then he spills
he had a brother named James who was bi

in eights Manchester my father was
the only man James told before he took

his life James comes from Hebrew name Jacob
which means to supplant to take the place of

—James McDermott (The Cardiff Review)

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